Identifying and Managing Your 'Hot Buttons'

Do you sometimes get that 'out of control', instinctive reaction whenever someone says something you believe to be inappropriate? This can occur anytime - if you are in conflict with that person, or alternatively, when you are both just hanging out in a congenial social situation.  Well, this response occurred because (regardless or whether or not it was done deliberately) that individual touched on one of your 'hot buttons'. 

HOT BUTTONS

So, what exactly are 'hot buttons'? They are the things that threaten the way you want to be viewed by others. The most common ones have to deal with competence, inclusion, autonomy, status, reliability, and morality. Your own set of  'hot buttons' tend to be personal to you.  It is also important to note that one of the hallmarks of a 'hot button' response is that it is automatic.  That means it literally hijacks the thinking portion of the brain.  Because we didn't knowingly make a decision to act in a certain manner when our hot buttons are triggered, we usually regret our actions after the fact.

To ensure that you maintain control of yourself when your 'hot buttons' are threatened, you must take the time to understand them.  To get started on finding out and managing your hot buttons, follow the next steps:

1. Make a list of your own personal hot buttons.  These are different for everyone. (A list of common hot buttons listed below).
2. Make note of how your body responds when one of your hot buttons are triggered.  Do you clench your teeth, cry, sweat, get flushed, contract your stomach?  It is not the easiest thing to do but try to pay attention to these responses in your body.
3. Once you feel the body's response that signals a hot button has been triggered, ask for a rain check with the other party and end the conversation until you have regained control of your emotional state.
4. After you have calmed down, ask yourself the following questions, “Am I being too sensitive? Am I seeing slights where none exists?” If the answer is yes, then that, in and of itself, could be the end of the conflict. I, however, the answer is no, then try to write down, in clear terms, what you believe to be the cause of the conflict.
5. Only after you have completed step 4 should you continue to pursue the other conflict resolution steps.

Find Your Hot Buttons From The List Below:

Rejection

Humiliation

Judgment

Feeling Unimportant

Disconnection

Abandonment

Loneliness

Feeling Ignored

Failure

Neglect

Powerlessness

Condemnation

Being misunderstood

Feeling Unwanted

Being scorned

Danger

Being invalidated

Feeling Disliked

Feeling defective

Mistrust

Inferiority

Feeling Devalued

Worthlessness

Unhappiness

As you can imagine, this process is emotionally draining. Not to mention the fact that it takes diligence to engage in continuous self-awareness and self-control. However, by being having full knowledge of your hot buttons, you will have some awareness when they are triggered.  And as such, you won't automatically react, instead, you will be able to take the time to think through your response instead of lashing out based solely on your emotions.  This is a useful thing at work, in business or simply life...